>oh HAI! Remember me? Yeah, me either. It’s been a little crazy around here the past couple months – heck, the past 12 months! Another day I’ll fill you in, but today I need to speak about JOY.
Last week one of my veryverybest friends (seriously – one of those besties that you have once or twice in a LIFETIME) got to tell me that she was PREGNANT! I immediately started to cry, because it’s AWESOME news, and well, let’s face it – I’m over emotional ALL THE TIME. I mean, LOOK AT ALL THE CAPS EMOTING ON THIS PAGE! We’ve been super close since we met in 8th grade, and we’ve lived a lot of life together. It’s amazing to share this JOY with her as she prepares for the birth of her first child!
We talked about how they found out, how they told their family members, how her folks reacted, etc. She mentioned that her older sister was upset. Sister says she’s upset because she was the last of the siblings to find out (on a technicality – but someone has to be last, right?). What Sister is not telling Friend is that she’s upset because of how easy it was for Friend to get pregnant. Sister shuts down and sulks when Friend’s pregnancy is mentioned.
I get it a little – Sister has had some serious issues with her own fertility. After a LOT of work, she has one child and another on the way. Bringing these lives into the world has been a struggle for Sister. I UNDERSTAND HOW PAINFUL THAT IS! I totally get how much it hurts to want a child to add to your family and not be able to make it happen. How your ovulation is always on your mind, you schedule sex as if it were your job, and every time you turn around another friend is pregnant, holding babies, posting pictures of kids, etc. I really know the searing pain of knowing your period has come once again, signaling your continued failure in the baby-making department. I even know the pain (physical and emotional) of losing babies you were fortunate enough to make – just not fortunate enough to hold in this lifetime. I get it. It’s HARD. It feels lonely and desperate. It HURTS.
BUT – with all of that said, I have to say that I can’t imagine how much more it would hurt for me to miss the JOY around me. The world is PREGNANT with hope! My friends (and sister!) are PREGNANT with new life! I refuse to let my fertility issues rape me of the JOY that is to be experienced as my family is expanded through my sister, my cousins, my best friends. Every one of those babies has an amazing purpose, and I get to be a part of it! Isn’t that exciting?
Someday Matt and I will have children of our own – either through childbirth or adoption. When that happens, I know all these other women will support me and share my JOY with me. Until then, I am not allowing my hurt to get the best of me. I will do everything to have JOY when there is new life to be born!
>I am proud of you. It took me a lot of courage to sit through a baby shower for a semi-close friend after having a mis-carriage a few months earlier. I know it took a lot to get to this point of joy and I praying it continues. I miss ya!
>Yay! Welcome back to the blog world. I love you so much and miss you friend.MK
>When we were trying to have MG (2 years before we finally conceived her) it got to the point where I couldn't even look at a baby in a store without instantly hating the parents. I was completely unhinged. Hormones, 24 months of disappointment, fear, and frustration took their toll.Good for you for having such a positive attitude toward your friend's pregnancy!
>Love this post. I have been holding tightly to that JOY in the midst of our struggles too. If anything, our infertility journey has made me look at the miracle of life/birth with even more appreciation and wonder when it does work out for people. I especially loved your last sentence: "I will do everything to have JOY when there is new life to be born!"