>Silent Night…

>I know I haven’t blogged in a while. Forgive me – it’s been quite messy around here lately. I was sick for almost 10 days. I had tonsilitis, laryngitis and a cold all at the same time. My boss’s wife passed away last week. My great-uncle passed away too. We were in Indy for two funerals on two consecutive days, and my heart is feeling a little heavy from it all. We also just found out that our good friend had open-heart surgery last week. I’m thinking it’s not such a lucky time to be friends with me right now!

Christmas can get so hectic, can’t it? All the shopping, baking, parties, programs, blah, blah, blah. Don’t get me wrong – I love shopping and baking and parties and programs. They really create a special buzz in the air – a bustle, if you will. The energy and spirit I see at Christmastime is like none other. Still, sometimes I can do without the bustle. Sometimes I just want the peace. The Silent Night.

I have to say that I am really kind of sick of Silent Night. We sing it at every single Christmas Eve service, and year after year I can’t help but think, “Let’s sing something different this year! What about ‘O Come, O Come Emmanuel’ or ‘O Holy Night’?” We always sing “Silent Night,” and always lift our candles in the dark sanctuary for the last verse. It has seemed a little cheesy to me for a while, and I’m over it.

Monday afternoon my office hosted a luncheon for retired United Methodist clergy in our area. We do this every year as a way to keep in touch with them, help them keep in touch with each other, and show our thanks for their many years of faithful ministry. It really was a nice event. We had a great turnout, even though the weather was a little nasty, and people seemed to have a nice time. My friend Julie came to entertain the crowd with her beautiful singing. She has a spectacular voice, and she really is a wonderful entertainer. She has this way of drawing you in, and making you feel like she’s singing just for you. It’s awesome!

After a few songs, she asked if they would like to sing some Christmas carols together, and they all seemed up for it. She asked if there were any requests to start us off. A voice from across the room suggested “Silent Night.” I remember thinking, “Ugh. I am SO over this song!” But I decided to be a good sport, and sing along.

I couldn’t sing for very long. That crowd could SING! They sang “Silent Night” in four (maybe five) part harmony, with so much passion and reverence, it brought tears to my eyes! Here were over 100 people who had served countless congregations for decades upon decades, who had probably sung this song at every Christmas Eve service they ever preached or attended – and they were singing that song as if they were singing it to Jesus himself.

I felt so convicted right there. If THEY can feel this much reverence for this ordinary, over-played song, what’s wrong with me? Isn’t that what Christmas is about? Jesus came to bring the “extra” in front of “ordinary,” didn’t He? This extraordinary savior was born to an ordinary woman. The man who would shepherd us all the way to the gates of an extraordinary Heaven was born in a very ordinary Bethlehem. His extraordinary, redeeming blood was spilled on an ordinary cross, built for ordinary criminals. An extraordinary Lord for very ordinary people – like you and me.

So this year at Christmas, I’m reclaiming Silent Night for myself. In the midst of the ordinary: the malls, the parties, the gifts, the decorations, the commercials, the cha-ching at the registers, the cards, the BUSTLE, I am going to remember that extraordinary baby sitting in the creche under my tree. I will remember that He came to add the “extra” to my “ordinary.” And I will sing an ordinary song like “Silent Night” with a lot more reverence. At the end of the day, we all know that Christmas is about so much more than the bustle that permeates our world at this time of year. Behind it all there is a peace to be found…a Silent Night.

>Heavy Heart

>Sigh…I want to write something meaningful and heartfelt, but I’m spent. My heart has been heavy the past couple of days, because my boss’ wife is dying. It’s only a matter of days…

She’s had pancreatic cancer for just over a year now, and that is not a good cancer to have (not than any cancer is “good”). There is just nothing more the doctors can do. My boss is usually emotionally stable, so it was pretty hard to watch him cry at my desk this afternoon telling me all that has happened in the past few days. I didn’t know what else to do…I just sat there and cried with him. I feel so helpless. It’s my job to make things easier for him, but this time there is nothing I can do.

Sometimes I just don’t understand this life we live. It’s filled with so much pain and despair, and it’s hard to see the good things peeking through the black cloud that’s created by that sadness we feel. I’m praying hard tonight that God helps me understand just a little more about the chaos that we live in. And I’m praying even harder for a miracle…

>Full Speed Ahead

>I worked last night at a charge conference meeting of 6 churches in Indy. Everything went really well, and I enjoyed meeting some people I talk to on the phone regularly. It’s always good to put names with faces, isn’t it?

During the conference, the district superintendent who was running the meeting talked about a conversation he had with one of the pastors in his district. The pastor and his daughter were talking, and came to this conclusion:

When Jesus says, “Follow Me” it means we’re going somewhere!

Can I get an AMEN? 🙂

How many of us answer to Jesus’ call to follow Him, and expect to remain right where we are? You can certainly put me in that crowd. Here’s what my prayer life has looked like for the past few weeks:

“I love you Jesus, and I want to serve you with my life and my vocation, but I want to do that RIGHT HERE. I don’t want to leave my friends, my family, my favorite grocery store, my convenient mall, my church family, etc. So, if you could just reconsider this whole move-across-the-state-to-a-town-where-I-don’t-know-anyone-and-the-nearest-shopping-is-in-Illinois thing, that would be AWESOME. Mkay?”

I really am so nervous about this move. I don’t know yet if I’ll be able to keep my job or not. I’m nervous about making all new friends, about finding my way around, and I have almost convinced myself that the people in our new churches won’t like me at all. Oh – and I’m spending more than just a little time wondering what kind of bugs we’ll have to deal with at our new house. (Please God – no centipedes again…please?) Oh the anxiety that I am working up in myself…it’s really taking its toll! I have had some bad headaches and back pain in the past couple weeks, and I KNOW that it’s because I’m stressing out so much.

God met me at church on Sunday. I know I shouldn’t be surprised – He’s always there. I just don’t always look for Him I guess. The songs we sang, the prayers we said, the message that was given – God spoke to me through it all. It’s as if He was calming me – calming my nerves and my spirit. He was reminding me that HE is everything I’ll ever need.

We sang one of my favorites – You Are My All in All. This song always reminds me of being at SIFAT. I would tell most people that it’s because I learned that song there. I will honestly tell you though that I think of SIFAT when I hear this song because that’s where God and I first had some grown-up moments together. SIFAT was the first time I left home, and just depended on God. No parents. Not much money. No mall in the time zone (slight exaggeration). Just me and God having some good time together. It was almost like my honeymoon with Jesus, and I don’t care if you think that sounds cheesy!

What does it mean for me to sing that Jesus is my “all in all”??? If I believe what I sing, he is the ONLY thing I need. So what if I don’t make friends at our new home? God is really the only friend I need. So what if I can’t keep my job? God’s going to provide. No shopping? Don’t need it – I have God. Jesus is ENOUGH. I don’t need more things, more money, more friends, more activities, etc. Jesus is ENOUGH. He is my all in all.

So – Jesus has asked us to follow Him, and we’re following Him to Veedersburg. We’re going somewhere – us and Jesus – and He is going to be everything we need.

You are my strength when I am weak.
You are the treasure that I seek.
You are my all in all.
Seeking you as a precious jewel.
Lord, to give up I’d be a fool.
You are my all in all.

Jesus, Lamb of God, worthy is your name!

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame,
Rising again, I bless your name.
You are my all in all.
When I fall down, you pick me up.
When I am dry, you fill my cup.
You are my all in all.

Jesus, Lamb of God, worthy is your name!