>Just a quick note to tell you that I am starting a new food blog! I’m not sure how long it will last or how interesting it will be, but for now I’m really into it! You can check it out here:

http://foodwithkatie.wordpress.com

Hi!  I’m Katie, and we’re going to talk about FOOD.

I am not a professional in any way.  I am an amateur cook, an amateur writer and a very amateur photographer.  I love talking about food, learning new dishes and eating great grub.

You’ll see in posts to come that I can be a food snob at times, but eat at McDonald’s more than any real “foodie” should.  I love to cook, but am often too lazy to even turn on the microwave.  I love taking pictures, but really don’t know how to do it well.  I enjoy writing, but for some reason can’t nail down the whole “i before e” spelling thing.

My kitchen is rarely exceptionally clean.  I’m a little heavy-handed with salt sometimes.  My dishes and tools aren’t the best (but I make do!).  My photos are nowhere near awesome, but they’re getting better.  (If you are wondering, these photos are usually shot with my little Kodak Z915. Some may come from the iPhone 4 though if I don’t have my camera on me.)

I live in Indiana in the rural Western part of the state. I was born and raised in Indianapolis, and return there quite frequently.  Most of my restaurant reviews will come from here, although I will attempt to post reviews when we travel as well.

I don’t pretend to know all or do all when it comes to the culinary arts.  I’m just looking to have some great conversation about food – cooking and eating!

Cheers,
Katie

>Matt and I were going to spend the day running errands and having fun. Church bazaar, bank, license plates, shopping, movie, dinner…it was going to be wonderful. I seem to love days like that more and more lately. If I’m out and about I don’t have to think about how I’m feeling and what’s really happening in this broken heart of mine.

I look back over the past three months, and realize that my spending has gotten out of control; my house is out of control; I AM OUT OF CONTROL. I haven’t been returning phone calls. I procrastinate more than usual. I don’t keep up with my housework. I hardly ever cook. My mind is always looking for something to do whether it’s paint my nails a new color, rearrange a room, read a book or play a video game. Everything in me seems to not want to sit still and just be.

Sometimes I find myself surprised at the memories of our pregnancy and miscarriage. I think that I have taken the easy way out, and convinced myself that they never happened at all. I think I have tried to just rewind my mind to the time when we were having trouble getting pregnant. At times I’d much rather be there than here – on the other side where grief is waiting to take over.

A good friend came to stay with us for a couple days this week. She is pregnant with a baby that is due to be born just over a week after Squooshy was due. I tried to mentally prepare myself for her visit. I knew it would be difficult to see her knowing that I would be right around where she is in her pregnancy. She is so easy to talk to about the little things, the big things, the hard things, the fun things…it was really great to be with her! We definitely didn’t avoid talking about our babies. We talked a lot about both of our experiences, and were able to cry together and laugh together over all that these pregnancies have brought into our lives. We shopped for her little Nugget, and we found some great maternity clothes for her. I was so proud of myself for keeping my emotions in check, and was definitely sad to see her go yesterday.

Today I woke up to Mother Nature’s more-than-clear (thankyouverymuch) sign that I am not pregnant. We left this morning to start our day-of-fun, and started with the license branch. After our short visit there, I told Matt that I needed to run back home to get some “supplies” for my present physical condition. He decided to balance the checkbook while I took care of my business. He quickly came to the conclusion that we should probably just stay home today. Our finances are tight. I’ve spend three months indulging in retail therapy, and it’s quickly catching up with us. It had to happen sooner or later, right? Someday I was actually going to have to face my life instead of run from it.

We have plenty of things here to keep us entertained: video games, board games, books, DVD’s, etc. We could even work on the house or take a walk (it’s a beautiful day here). I don’t want to do any of it. I keep saying that I’m bored, but I think the truth is that I’m feeling depressed today. I’ve spent a lot of time avoiding myself these past few months, and now I am running out of places to hide.

I’m not sure what to do now that I’ve admitted this to myself (and to the rest of you). I thought that writing this down would make me feel a little better, but it hasn’t. Maybe all we can do is pray…